Dating—especially in recovery—can be complicated. Find out how to navigate the dating scene while keeping your recovery intact.
Even under the best of circumstances, dating can be a stressful venture. But, for those in recovery, dating brings other unique challenges. That’s why we’ve compiled the following “do’s and don’ts” as a guide to dating while maintaining a recovery lifestyle.
- DO remember that recovery always comes first. Recovery is the necessary foundation upon which the other good things (job, friendships, etc.) are built. Prioritizing recovery means maintaining regular 12-step meetings, exercise, meditation, communication with sober support group and other activities that have helped you build a strong recovery foundation.
- DON’T rush. Early recovery—the first 90, 120 and 365 days—are a time of increased vulnerability when unnecessary stressors (like dating) should be avoided. The adage “slow and steady wins the race” comes in handy here.
- DO choose potential dates who reflect your values in recovery. Who you were when using or drinking is not who you are recovery. Choosing a date, then, must also reflect this change. Understanding what qualities are most important in yourself and in your partner is key. Reviewing your fourth step can be a great place to start.
- DO reveal your recovery status early and openly. Especially on a first date, there’s a strong temptation to paint our lives as a perfect picture. But starting a potential relationship with a lie of omission isn’t recommended. The recovery lifestyle is who you are now. Be proud of that. If a date is “turned off” by your recovery status, is it really someone you want to be with anyway?
- DON’T use dating to substitute the “high” from drugs or alcohol. Dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and reward—can surge amid dating and romance in a way that mimics what one might experience with substance use.
- DON’T fall into the trap of codependency. This term refers to an unhealthy pattern of behavior in which one person relies on another to meet all needs or derives all sense of self-worth based on how the other person feels. It’s a pattern of enmeshment that can lead to a substance abuse “crash and burn.”
If you’ve had at least a year of continuous sobriety and you’re committed to continuing to make recovery your top priority, you might be ready to use the tips above to navigate the dating world.
Are you ready to pursue recovery from addiction? First Step Recovery can help! Call us today at 330.369.8022.
